“I wonder how I’ll
wander back again”
February Morning
It’s an odd thing, becoming a parent. It changes you in a way that you can’t begin to fully understand until you do. February Morning is is an attempt to capture the roller coaster of emotions surrounding parenthood. - Dan
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NPR Tiny Desk entry, February Morning,
live at WMFE studios.
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Tangled Up and Blue
It’s an odd thing, becoming a parent. It changes you in a way that you can’t begin to fully understand until you do.
I think it’s that there’s just something tangible that is felt when you see that the line of people doesn’t end with you. A switch is flipped, and there’s a realization that there’s someone who’s small, fragile, and bound to struggle, doing life right in front of you. Someone has jumped in line behind you, and it’s now up to you to guide them.
The first verse of the song relates back to when our son Wesley was born. Five weeks early, my wife Dawn labored for hours and hours, and when the final moments came to push, the doctors realized that his heart rate was dropping out when she had contractions...he was caught in his own umbilical cord. It was off to the races to do an emergency c-section. Minutes later, this poor young life that looked as though he had been through the worst kind of fight, tangled up and blue, was in our arms. So small, so vulnerable.
Now, I watch him grow. And as he grows, he often lives life like he did in the womb. He reaches out, moves about, and gets tangled up in all sorts of “opportunities to learn”. As a parent, I watch and sometimes it’s hard. You want to impart wisdom and see them to learn from the mistakes that you’ve made. You want a better life for them. And in that, I’m learning what a ‘better life’ really means.
It’s not about the money and the stuff. It’s figuring out how we’re wired, and helping him be that. There’s a part of Proverbs that talks about starting children off the way they should go. I read that this as more like figuring out who they were created to be, and not fitting them into a mold that they weren’t. Simple, but really hard. I do my best to pass on what I’ve learned through all of my mistakes, never really knowing if what I’m saying will stick. It’s hard being a parent.
I really like this song, and how it turned out. Somehow, hearing the oooo’s, the chords in the verse, and the pedal steel from our friend Tommy Cooper of the Oak Hill Drifters all come together to add a sense of nostalgia. A feeling of connection, mixed in with anxiety and peace holding in perfect tension. That’s what I think it feels like to be a parent.
Thanks to my parents for doing the best with what they had, so that they could to set me on the best path that they knew. I’m hopeful that what I’ve learned and pass on is enough to send the next generation down the path that they were made for. -Dan
Lyrics
February morning
Teardrops clouding up my view
Arriving five weeks early
Meager tangled up and blue
We're both the same
We both became
The next one over
Please son do better than I've done before you
My road's bent another way
Please know a better day's in store for you I know
When you're a man someday
You seem to find you're learning
Fumbling the way I do
Tune your ear to wisdom
Turn your heart and follow true
I know you'll fall
That's how you know
You're out there trying
Please son do better than I've done before you
My road's bent another way
Please know a better day's in store for you I know
When you're a man someday
I've seen you grow
Like me, you wonder
Please hear the words
They'll make you stronger
Please son do better than I've done before you
My road's bent another way
Please know a better day's in store for you I know
When you're a man someday